Confessions of a Fallen Christian

I've held out as long as possible against writing this post because I know that it will concern virtually all of my Christian friends/acquaintances/family. I know pretty much all of you are aware of my prodigal return to Christianity after struggling with my faith for years, but I haven't shared many of the details with most of you.

My faith is somewhat more, um, radical than it once was. I could not be more different than the Christian I was 10 years ago and still be a Christian. Please don't worry about me - my Christianity is so much more genuine to me now than it's ever been since it's not just what my parents believe ... it's what I've thrashed out for myself. I don't believe there is one best type of Christianity since we are all different.

I read Evolving in Monkey Town by Rachel Held Evans (and also her awesome blog) last fall, - I don't think it would be an overstatement to say that she saved my Christianity. The primary reason that her book made such an impact on me is that it showed me that I could still be a Christian and not have to buy the “whole package,” so to speak. I could be a Christian and not believe in the inerrency of the Bible. I could be a Christian and not have all the answers as to how God chooses who to send to heaven or hell. I can observe the barbaric, fickle God of the Old Testament and not have to reconcile him to the unorthodox, loving Jesus of the New.

I don't believe the Bible is inerrant...there, I've said it! I've discussed it in my blogosphere but have never told actually told anybody.

I DO believe in its inspiration - but the men who wrote it were still only men. They were but recording about their impressions of God, but their impressions were not necessarily correct.

I just could never have gone back to using the Bible as the blueprint to life, as the sole and exclusive authority. Especially when I became interested in human rights as a career and yet God had permitted, nay, commanded the Israelites to commit genocide. Especially when I'm emerging from patriarchy and the very mention of sexism brings a bad taste to my mouth and God as depicted by the Bible is a mean misogynist. Especially since I am so convinced that gays cannot help who they are and why should they be sent to hell because of who God made them? The excuses for these and other of God's actions that were drilled into me as a child now strike me as hollow, weak arguments. I know myself well enough to know I could never re-enter a relationship with a God who actually literally performed those deeds, even though I'm dying and should be thinking about the eternity question.

I know that I have been told time and time again (and told others this, myself) that any seeming inconsistencies in the Bible are due to my lack of understanding and God’s ways are high above ours - but, to be honest, that’s a little insulting. God made us intelligent, rational creatures in his image, but when we have questions we’re just to blindly accept that somehow God works it all out?

It's been so liberating, to not have to worry about, as a Christian, rationalizing and stretching the Bible to make sense. It's a lot of work!

I'm so happy. Please don't worry, don't be scandalized...I promise I'm not dropping off the edge into heresy. This makes so much sense!