Rant, Part II

Here's my before-mentioned Facebook message to Jewell:


Hi, there, Jewell! I heard that you are now employed at Ruby Tuesday as an hostess - I'm so relieved for you! I know that feeling well - I hope you work with great people. Melody and I both agreed the people we restaraunted with were the bottom of the barrel, the most depraved we'd ever met - so that should be fun!

Mama gave me strict orders before you came that I was not to speak to you about Big Jim, and I promised her I wouldn't. She is extremely concerned - a little too much, if you ask me - about not slandering Big Jim and making sure you guys have a good relationship with your father and all that jazz. However, I could never forgive myself for not being honest with you, and I think it's disrespecting you treating you on the same level as the boys and George - you're 18 and out of the house.

I know you think that basically Big Jim is a decently good guy with a rocky period in his past for which he is sincerely sorry. I know as well as anyone how charming and fun he can be. But another strong trait of his is arrogance and manipulation. He is a star at the whole manipulation thing! Dude, he had Melody convinced for YEARS after what happened between them that somehow he was the victim! I was 21 when I left for college, and for most of that time I was convinced that Big Jim was such good Christian and that any struggles I had were my failing, not his.

Jewell, what can I say to make you see how he is not genuinely sorry in the least and in fact thinks what he did not a big deal and that it was actually not even his fault, that it was Melody and Mama's? Because I know how you pride yourself on having your own opinions and don't like accepting others' for yourself, and yet this should not be a situation between you and me, about you and Mama. This is so much bigger than that, so much graver. I swear I'm not writing to impose my opinion on you. I love you so much.

Here's the thing: EVERYBODY who knows about Big Jim and Melody thinks what he did sick and that he should never be given custody of ANY child, including professional counselors. Even Aunt Kathleen wrote Mama and told her this. The only people who do not feel this way are Big Jim's impressionable and slightly biased children and his mother, who I find it ironic that Big Jim is such great allies with because he has called her crazy on more occasions than I can remember. Melody's counselor said that Big Jim is a perfect example of a sexual predator, since he has been behaving inappropriately to her since she was 12 and yet didn't actually perform sex with her until the week after her 18th birthday. How can this be cooincidence? And up until I was in my late teens it was the same way with me. Those massages where he would go up under our nightgowns right near our privates and also right by our breasts when he was doing our backs - that's not the way a healthy father treats his teenage daughters. If I hadn't been uncomfortable and made up excuses for him to massage me, who knows what might have happened.

After the trial, I am more sure than ever that Big Jim is not sorry in the least. His attorney's open argument sounded like it could have come from Big Jim's own lips - because I have heard him say it - saying that Big Jim was drivin into his actions by his wife, that Mama wouldn't have sex with him and so naturally he turned to the slender arms of his beautiful stepdaughter. What he didn't say was that the reason Big Jim and Mama so rarely had sex then was because, per his choice, they were sharing a room with the boys and Georgia.

And then when I was on the stand - Mama's attorney had me tell about what inappropriate things Big Jim had done when I was living at home, I looked over at Big Jim as I was talking and he was glaring at me with pure contempt. I wasn't expecting to him to look sorrowfully at me - what he had done to me was nothing compared to how he messed with Mama and Melody - but it struck me how what he did was so oviously wrong and here I was describing it in graphic detail for the judge, and Big Jim wasn't sorry for what he did to me even though I was looking him in the eye.

But do you know what really gets on my nerves? When Big Jim first started talking about getting custody, he told you guys that no way in the world would he separate the kids. But when it turned out that he couldn't get Georgia, too, he decided he would just get as many kids as he could, the three boys, even though he knows more than anyone how cruel it would be to separate her from her brothers. Splitting them up is clearly not the best thing for them, but because Big Jim is much more concerned about what he wants than the welfare of anyone else, including his kids, he does what he wants.

So a couple of weeks ago, Abigail told me that they were discussing sociopaths in her med school class and told me she was sure Big Jim was one. I typed in "sociopath" into Google and read the first list of traits, and it was uncanny how well it described Big Jim - only one or two points didn't match. I showed Mama, and we were amazed. It explains him, down to the sexual abuse and authoritarianism and the parasitic lifestyle, meaning he spends a lot of others' resources (Mama Jean bought his house and is paying for his attorney). Jewell, I know you don't want to read such things in relation to Big Jim, but please, please, read this article that I attached. It's not long. Please, if you love me at all, try to see this from both sides.

I hope you have a good weekend. I really wish I could see you again and spend more time together - Mama and I are going up to Macon tomorrow to go shopping since I am going to Homecoming at Covenant in October, and it would be fun if you were with us. Have fun with your training!

Love, Rebecca



There it is - everything laid out, and Princess Jewell has vetoed it. Not only that, but she offers to testify FOR Big Jim. I want nothing to do with her.

Oh, my goodness, I feel another stepfather-bashing welling up within me. Who is this guy? How can he get away with so damn much?

So, ever since Mama filed for divorce, she has been spending a decent amount of time conversing with the IRS. A little background is needed here: my amazing stepfather is an extremely paranoid guy, full to bursting with conspiracy theories. When I was living at home, it was The System this and The System that. Medical System corrupt, Education System corrupt - we never so much as went to the doctor, because of course any doctor would just want to take advantage of us. I think one of the boys might have had to get stiches from the ER once when Big Jim's crafty butterflies weren't sufficient.

And all the boys and Jewell were born at home. At first it wasn't just for religious reasons - Mama had always wanted to give it a try, but Daddy wasn't buying it. Of course, Big Jim was all about doing things the natural way - Mama had a great midwife in Atlanta and great experiences with Jewell and Clay and Josiah being born in the splitlevel in the suburbs while we older kids stayed with Grandpa and Grandma.

By the time Sam was born in the wilds of Kentucky with the help of  a stern Mennonite midwife that had never so much as given Mama a prenatal exam, Big Jim had begun his decline. He had already insisted that Josiah not be given a Social Security number - didn't want his son to be registered with The System, wasn't going to sell his son for tax returns, and now he went one further with Samuel - he didn't want Sam to have a birth certificate. He said he and God knew when Sammy was born and that was all that was needed. Mama wasn't too thrilled, but she was just the woman and, like Eve and her forbidden fruit, was deceived. So Sammy went certificate-less.

Until now. The first thing Mama did when she filed for divorce was start the process to get the boys SS numbers and Sam a birth certificate. Georgia May lucked out when she was born five weeks early in the hospital and provided with both.

Of course, it has taken a while, but Mama found out that from the IRS that she would get a nice check for the boys, so that made it even more worthwhile - she can really use the money. She's already using my American Funds money I got from Grandmommy when I was 21 for her current attorney, who's great but twice as expensive as her last attorney, and I know it killed her to ask me that.

Mama has spent so much time on the phone, sending things back and forth to Kentucky for Sam's certificate, going to Macon an our away to the IRS office, but at last she got the numbers and certificate AND a check was sent - to Big Jim.

I KNOW. Both Mama and Big Jim's names were on the check, of course, but Big Jim informed Mama that there was no way he'd signed his signature unless the check were mailed directly to him. He never got her signature, but he gave her about a quarter of the amount, telling her this was what she deserved from what he'd figured out. He'd have to have forged her name in order to deposit the check, or else some stupid teller let him do it with just one signature. Mama is having the IRS send a copy of the deposited check to see if he forged her name.

That sonofabitch. How can I NOT hate the guy?

AND Mama is so low on funds this month since the child support situation hasn't been figured out by the lawyers, and it's Christmas this month! And she's only getting the money for the house from Big Jim this month; he payed her pittance for child support for all five of the kids this past year, but at least it's better than what she's getting this month - nothing.

Of course, if the Stepfather had had his way, he would not have even paid for the house, let alone for Georgia. He makes so much money and he doesn't even have to pay for his stupid lawyer or for the house he's living in since his mother is providing him with both.

He's so evil, so very evil. He's trying not to give her any of his money and is trying to give her practically nothing of that IRS money that I think is rightfully all hers but is at least half hers.