My views on abortion remained firmly entrenched in
fundamentalism long after the rest of me had liberalized. I had been raised with
such deeply emotional views on abortion, had spent virtually my whole life
hearing condemning the brutal act from pulpits (“What is the this nation coming
to?!”), had as a homeschooler had been appropriately traumatized by graphic
descriptions of each of the types of abortion in my high school biology book,
that I felt inadequately prepared to re-examine the issue of abortion
critically and with an open mind until the past couple of years. The dogma I
had been raised on had its appropriated effect. So even as I found myself
abandoning, one by one, the right-wing beliefs I realized were not MY beliefs
at all, not at all characteristics of the person I wanted to be – viewing gays
as second-class Americans, leaving the poor to fend for themselves, my
once-hard core views on illegal immigrants (get OUT of our country!) – abortion
was one I stowed away at the back of my mind until I was able to work through
it.
And I am. Although I was helped along the way by my
diagnosis my senior year of college with Huntington’s disease, the genetic
degenerative illness that killed my father and will also claim the lives of my
brother and sister and me. Suddenly the issue of abortion was personal,
suddenly I wondered what would I do in the unlikely chance that I would get
pregnant – and I came to the conclusion that yes, I most likely WOULD abort
should that happen. I’ve always known I wouldn’t have children should I find
out I have the HD gene – who in their right minds would want to put any child,
let alone THEIR child, through the hell that has been my life? My first memory
ever is when I was two and my poor delusional father was beating up my mother –
my brother and I were crying and ran back to our room to hide. Never. I still
have that same resolve in not letting history repeat itself. So in my mind it
the humane choice to terminate in such
circumstances.
And it really DOES infuriate me when others want to get in
on such an intensely personal decision. What do they know about life with
Huntington’s? I never knew it was unusual for a little girl of ten to visit her
father at a nursing home – it was life. Or
to not have hanging over my head my since Daddy was diagnosed when I was
eight that I had a %50 chance of
inheriting his terminal disease, to not assume I had my whole life ahead of me.
It literally makes me ill to think of continuing the cycle and yet others think
that their own personal beliefs on the matter are relevant here, that because
their religious beliefs forbid them from having abortions that I am somehow
obligated to also not have one. You just DON’T know unless you’ve been there,
and how incredibly arrogant to presume that YOU know better than I do when this
is a sensitive personal decision for me to make…of COURSE it makes me angry!
Nothing is black and white- I have said this so many times
that I feel like it is my mantra – and it’s so immature to look at life that way.
I learned when I grew up and learned to think for myself that Christianity is
NOT necessarily the most superior belief, that gays are in fact human beings
and not the disgusting immoral near-animals that I was taught once, that just
because immigrants are here illegally means they should be packed up and sent
home, no questions asked. And the same applies for abortion – every woman who
gets an abortion is an individual with her own unique story, and who knows that countless factors going on that
might be playing into her decision to get an abortion. How judgmental and
narrow-minded to label every one of these women as selfish and monstrous when
you don’t even know her – shouldn’t she be the person most informed about her
situation and so the best to make such a personal decision? Again, I
would probably abort if I happened to get pregnant –but if anyone dares tell me
my reasons are selfish or that I’m uninformed on the subject, I would be so
highly offended. It would not be an easy experience and an abortion is probably
not something I’d have done if I didn’t have this sickness. But this is the responsible,
loving thing to do in the case of my hypothetical pregnancy.
And I can't imagine anyone putting the rights of an
under-developed, unaware fetus above the rights of a woman traumatized by rape
or incest. It is SO obvious that those kind of people have no idea what being
in such a state is like, that agony of feeling a child made in such a horrible
fashion stirring inside, and having to go through this horror for months...you
people must be heartless! I know girls who have suffered through rape or incest
whom I love dearly, and the thought that if their abuse had resulted in
pregnancies many Christians out there would insist that they carry the child of
such monsters for nine months fills me with righteous indignation. The
personhood of a brand-new fetus is debated for a reason, but everybody can
agree that the victim of rape or incest is living, breathing human being, so
why would you deny her this choice? I know of one woman who was raped and
impregnated in college and suffered such depression and suicidal thoughts until
she terminated the pregnancy – she feels it saved her life. What is wrong with
sacrificing a potential person who can’t feel sorrow or pain for a rape victim
who can?
Besides, declaring life at conception just doesn’t
make sense biologically. When the fertilization process happens, many eggs are
fertilized, not just one. If all these fertilized eggs are persons then a
literal genocide occurs just through nature – all the poor innocent babies! Should
we then accuse the woman of committing homicide for every time she has
unprotected sex, since for every one fertilized egg that survives, thousands more die? Why is that one
so special that it must not be touched?
The point when we can all agree on personhood exists
is birth – there’s a reason we’re all universally horrified by genocide and
murder and infanticide and yet plenty of moral folks believe abortion. There is
not scientific answer for when before birth personhood occurs – there are many
different answers. But those who argue the fetus has a soul from the get-go and
that we should not undo what God has done, well, that is a religious argument
and so should have no place being legislated.
